Today Allison shares her story, she is the big spender of all the dates and she wants to know is it something worth fussing over.
Dear Savvy Naturalista,
I have been dating this man for about three months now and I am really into him. It was blind date that was set up by a friend of the family. I was not expecting too much, so we decided to meet at a restaurant and get to know each other better. On that very first date we talked for hours! It was a very genuine conversation and we hadn’t even had drinks yet! We didn’t want to go home after dinner, so we both decided to continue are conversation at a coffee shop. By the time the coffee shop was about to close I was smitten and I could tell he was as well. We exchanged numbers and have been inseparable.
I don’t even know if I should make a big deal out of this since things are going great, but I just need a second opinion. For the past three months we have been dating I have paid for every single date; even the coffee we had at the coffee shop. We went on a day trip three weeks ago and I paid for the whole trip. The only thing I didn’t pay for was the gas since we took his car. Part of it maybe my fault since I am so use to being assertive. I just grabbed the check book on are very first date. It had been a while since I met a great guy I could have a conversation with, so I just wanted to show him my gratitude. I didn’t think that would lead to me paying for every single date. Now I feel as if he expects me to pay and I am just at a lost. He is a really great guy and I don’t want to lose him over this, but what should I do?
Thanks Allison
Hey Allison,
To be honest it sounds like you have become a sugar mama to this guy! It’s been three months and he has not paid for one date. I think I need more details as to what is going on, because the day trip would’ve been enough for me. I am going to give you a little advice my mama and grandma use to give me when I was a little girl. My mama started young with me and instilled this in my head: “if a guy does not pay for the first three dates there is no need for you to be dating him.” When I started talking about boys, my grandma would go: “hunny that man betta pay for the first date and if he doesn’t RUN like hell!!”
Now I know times are different, but I’m pretty much still old school on having a guy pay for the first date. I really think you should have let him paid for at least the first date Allison. I know you really like him but he just does not seem like a gentleman to me. Most men either take the check book or if you offer they would either tell you it’s on them. It seems to me he is using you! How can he have gas for the day trip but not offer to pay for anything else? If you like him that much, you should communicate your feelings to him about you paying for these dates. If you’re scared to ask him to pay then you don’t need to be with him. Being comfortable with a person is the first step, so you’re able to communicate your feelings. Once I went on blind date with a guy, and he asked me to pay because he didn’t have any cash on him (the place we were going to you needed cash to get in). I told him lets go to the ATM so he could get some cash out; he did and we had a good time on are date. Since it’s been only three months I think you should drop him like a bad habit. I know you like him, but I don’t think you should be paying for all these dates. However if you feel he is the one for you, tell him how you feel and see if you guys can start over. If he is not willing to then Allison I know you can find someone who will treat you right.
I am clearly missing out…I’m enjoying this!