Dear Savvy Naturalista: Sylvia’s, Complicated Friendship

 Hey Savvy Naturlista’s today Sylvia is sharing her story with us. It’s a complicated friendship that she has no clue where it is going. If you miss last week’s story here don’t forget to check it out: Kristy, Comparing herself to Friends

Dear Savvy Naturalista,

I met a wonderful guy a few years ago that I started to build a connection with. Here is where things get complicated, we were both in committed relationships at the time but I know there’s a reason we met each other when we did. The relationship I was in felt like hell and I wasn’t happy at all. I guess he was what I needed to able to leave that relationship. We were just friends in the beginning when we started to hang out. Little by little we got closer than ever. He was there for me when I finally decided to leave my ex. That’s when I fell  madly in love with this man and he became my whole world. He was my lover, best friend and I just knew he was the soul mate I was looking for.

He would confine in me things about his family, job and his life that he couldn’t tell anyone. One day he told me he was in love me and I just know with all my heart he was telling me the truth. I am still in love with him to this day, but he is getting married to someone else and I just don’t know what to do. From what he has told me he is marrying her because it’s the right thing to do. I think he is being pressured into marrying her, and it’s just convenient for him to make this decision to please his and her family. I have been under a lot of stress because I am pleading with him not to do it, but he thinks it’s for the best so we are trying to remain friends. I don’t know if I can do that or if it is even possible. He reassures me things will remain the same between me and him and I know I am in way to deep just to give up. I know were destined to be together, but do you think it’s possible for us to remain friends and be in each other’s life? I know it can’t be this way forever, but I have never felt so in sync with anyone the way I do him.

Thanks Sylvia

Hey Sylvia,
Let me start by saying you made the right decision to leave someone who was not making you happy. Many times it’s hard for us to leave a person who is not treating us  the way we want and we need that extra push. In your letter you state he is what you needed to leave your ex. I think you have become to codependent on him and that is why you feel as if you need him.  If you both are in love with each other he should be marrying you not her; you say he is your best friend but why would a best friend and lover do what he’s doing to you? I know things can get complicated when family is involved, and that can cause us to make decisions we sometimes would not make if we did not tell them.  I just don’t think that is the case in this situation.

The woman he is choosing to give his name to, spend his time with, invest his future and possibly have children with is her. Do you really want to suffer and be his friend through all of that? I know it may seem like just a convince deal, but when he is willing to give another woman his name it’s probably more then he is telling you. Your spouse is supposed to be someone who loves you, trust you, someone who’s your best friend and who is loyal to only you. We can only get one of those at a time, and it seems to me he has made the choice on who he wants that to be. Continuing this friendship may hurt you in the long run. You should take some time to focus on you and take a step back from this relationship.